Williamson's Weekly Nature Notes

What complicated clothes they have to wear. And they have to change the lot, all 20,000 items, every summer. And don't they skulk and sulk for months while they do it.

Even when they have finally got the complete ensemble, all neat and new and tickerdeboo, they have to spend hours every day re-arranging them. There can't be a more time- wasting wardrobe in the world. Trouble is, each feather has hundreds of zips. They come undone all the time, so they have to be zipped back up again.

Look at them under the microscope and you will see them. Feathers have barbs, barbs have barbicels, barbicels have hooks, thousands of hooks.

When they are unhooked, the feather might become partly useless. If it's a breast feather it will let out the heat. Worse '“ if it's a flight feather, especially a primary wing feather, it will become inefficient and speed will suffer.

A tail feather could be even worse. The bird won't be able to turn so quickly and may get shot down by a hawk. So the bird has to comb each feather through the zip repair mechanism '“ its beak.

I often find a moulted pigeon's feather in the summer lying on the lawn, and I try my luck combing the barbicels back together where a split has occurred, using my fingers. It can take some time to get it right.

The bird has to do this quickly but has first to learn the trick and this may take practice. Think of having to take a bath with all your clothes on too.

Every day, every feather must be cleaned, dried, and zipped up. Think of the fleas, lice and bird parasite flies which can get into your clothes.

You might resort to covering yourself with dust to annoy these pests, or lying in an ants' nest. It has all been tried by the birds.

Raising all the feathers to let the sun under the feathers, giving a good shake, are two more ways to make things just right before setting out for the day.

Men '“ be glad that your wife is not a bird with lots of feathers. She might just decide to fly right away from you forever.

This feature was first published in the West Sussex Gazette on May 7. To read it first buy the West Sussex Gazette every Wednesday.