Mrs Down's Diary December 17 2008

Half of our farm is already in an NVZ. Nitrate vulnerable zone to you.

That means ( I think) areas where the Environment agency is worried that the levels of nitrate running off the land into rivers and groundwater are too high. Currently over half the land in England is designated as NVZ, and there is more to come. And that will include more of us in it.

So what to do? First we have to find out if we really do have more land to go in an NVZ. But I can't use the maps that they tell us to. I find the MAGIC site which DEFRA is promoting for farmers to get their information from is almost totally impenetrable to my computer skills. So no go there.

To simplify matters however there are only nine guidance leaflets for us to read. Plus risk assessments to make. Impermeable bases to construct.

Identification of field sites on risk sites to record. Manure storage facilities to build. Assess soil nitrogen supply. Assess crop nitrogen requirements. Record planned application and actual application of soil nitrogen requirements ( including organic or manufactured nitrogen) and make sure we don't put too much of anything remotely resembling nitrates ( the Nmax) on the land and also be careful that when manure is spread, that it isn't spread above four metres in a high trajectory.

Our heads hurt.

But the best is yet to come.

What we also have to calculate and take into account is how much muck the sheep and cows produce themselves whilst out on the land. Now how do you do that?

I have taken part in competitions where a cow is turned out into a clean field and the prize is won by the person who correctly identifies where the first cow pat lands, by referring to a grid pattern of the field.

But I have not heard of competitions which calculate how many times a cow pat lands in a set amount of time, and, of what weight and frequency the said pat is. It can depend on so many things. Lush grass produces rather lusciously liquid cow pats. Dry conditions produce a more solid consistency. Peaceful cows do not plop so much. Disturb a herd, and they are tail up and squirt out. Lovely stuff. And now we have to measure it.

But with what? And while I think about it, measuring sheep droppings is going to be a whole different ball ( and lots of tiny ones in a sheep's

case) game. Sheep's dropping will not be so easy to scoop up as a cow pat. I imagine however that they might be slightly pleasanter even if, as with cows, their physical shape and consistency is not a constant thing.

So there you have it. If next summer you see a farmer scrabbling along behind a sheep or cow, perpetrating a suspicious bestial act with a poop scoop and a stop watch, they are not in fact up to no good. Or bad. They will be trying to comply with the latest madcap ideas from DEFRA. It certainly takes all sorts.