A Continental View: Theor Rebergen

Theo Rebergen
Theo Rebergen

Yesterday I watched 2 Dutch women and a man dressed in Russian carnival costumes dancing the weirdest Russian dance I have ever seen; this in the middle of a Dutch shopping Centre. Why? They campaigned to bring peace between The Netherlands and Russia.

Yes, Holland is at war with Russia. What happened: heavy handed Dutch cops arrested a drunken Russian diplomat in The Hague who molested his children in his diplomatic residence.

The cops, alerted by worried neighbours, broke into the poorly guarded diplomatic flat, wrestled the Russian bear to the ground and put him in hand coughs.

Now, this is in conflict with the Vienna convention and the Russian media (Putin TV) reported this as a serious aggression on a “innocent” Russian diplomat.

Not mentioning that he was plastered and dragging his kids by their hair across the Hague streets.

The furious Russian government demanded an apology, our wimpy Minister of Foreign affairs jetted straight away to Moscow. I can picture how this audience went: the Dutch minister sobbed that he was very, very sorry, while he danced the Nutcracker Suite triggered by the kicking boot of the Russian foreign minister. The Netherlands Ambassador, also commanded to the scene, probably had to kneel in front of Putin, licking the traditional welcoming vodka of his feet.

The Dutch thought they were off the hook, but soon after the humiliating reconciliation, a couple of Dutch journalists in Moscow were attacked by the KGB and beaten up as a revenge for the Hague incident. On top of that the Russian navy nicked a Green Peace ship in open seas and put some Dutch activists in a Siberian cell.

Now this is also against the Vienna convention, the Dutch public awoke and demanded to declare war to Russia. Dutch soldiers in war clogs just passed the German border as a back bencher in parliament asked where we were going to put the millions of POW’s. So our brave soldiers to be stopped at Oberhausen and return to the tulip fields to take back their camouflage.

Here the real irony: this all happens while Holland is celebrating the “Russian Friendship Year”. King Willem Alexander with his hot Argentine wife Maxima had scheduled a state visit to Russia. I wonder if they would settle the argument; WA could fight it out in a karate match with Putin where the winner has won the dispute. But Putin has a black belt and WA a big belly so that might end messy.

Maybe it would be less painful if Putin could have an intimate hour with the lovely Maxima and I am sure after that he will give us free oil and gas for 10 years.

He can appreciate a good bribe! Yes, we are a trading country and expect that Maxima should sacrifice herself for the people and country. It did not happen so the political scandal is still unsettled.

Here another Dutch diplomatic riot. You think England has racial issues? As the English are getting hyped up for Xmas, the Cloggies are getting steamed up to celebrate “Sinterklaas” on the 5th of Dec. This year the whole nation is in turmoil about the color of St. Nicolas’s helper “Zwarte Piet” (Black Pete.

Since 1000 years he is black but ethnic worriers in Holland find this a racial insult. They took the matter to the UN and you won’t believe it, they made a case out of it; Piet could not be black anymore.

Somebody suggested painting him pink; this would please our large gay community. But many of our immigrants have issues with gay and green would aggravate the environment activists. (As some are still in a Russian prison). So I suggested we give Pete our national color Orange, but then the anti-royalists would be up in arms. You can’t win, I give up, lets handover the Sinterklaas job to Father Xmas; what color are the elves?

PS: just before the deadline a Dutch girl has collected 1.5 million autographs on Facebook, in favour of a black Piet. So “Sinterklaas” is in the clear!