Telscombe

COUNCILLORS SURGERY: On the first Saturday of each month from 10am to 11am at the Civic Centre. No appointment necessary. Come along and see your local Councillors.

RESIDENTS ASSOCIATION: Telscombe Residents’ Association meet on the first Thursday of each month from 7.15pm to 9.15pm in the Civic Centre. Email the secretary at christinebowman 3213@btinternet.com for a copy of the meeting agenda.

SUPPORT GROUP: Breast Cancer Support Group meet on the first Wednesday of each month from 1pm to 3.30pm in the Civic Centre. Contact email: bcsgroup@btinternet.com

YOGA: With Natalie Heath every Tuesday from 6pm to 7pm in the Civic Centre. Contact Natalie Heath email: mrsnatalieheath@yahoo.co.uk phone: 07738538094.

LIVING LIGHT PILATES: Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning in the Civic Centre. £6.50 per class or class pass for £44 (eight classes plus one free session). Contact Nicola Murray-Smith email: nicolalivinglight@yahoo.com phone: 07776 457752.

FITNESS PILATES: Every Monday morning and Thursday evening in the Civic Centre. Get fit, tone up, prevent back pain, improve flexibility and posture. Equipment provided, just bring some water. Only £6 per class or £40 for eight weeks. Contact Jennie Palmer email: jen@jenniepalmer.co.uk phone: 07825 702775.

YOGA: Every Monday from 7.15pm to 8.15pm in the Civic Centre. Contact Jane email: janechantyoga@hotmail.co.uk phone: 07703 167895.

DANCE CLASS: Little Stars Pre-School Dance Class for pre-school age 2 to 4 years every Tuesday from 9am to 9.30am in the Civic Centre. £3.50 per session. Contact Anneli Smith 07930 490058.

SUPPORT GROUP: Stroke Association Support Group meet on the first and third Thursday of each month from 2pm to 3.30pm in the Civic Centre. Come along to your local stroke group and meet other people who have been affected by stroke. Website: stroke.org.uk. Stroke Helpline 303 303 3100.

COUNCIL MEETINGS: The Policy and Resources Committee meet on Monday at 7.30pm in the Civic Centre. If there is insufficient business, meetings may be cancelled. Please therefore telephone the Civic Centre on 01273 589777 to ensure that a meeting is being held (an agenda will be placed on the website). Meetings are open to members of the public who are able to ask questions for a 15 minute period at the start of each meeting.

FOOTNOTES: ‘Wanted. A large, mature and placid black and white cat for a West End fringe production’. As I read this advert from my professions paper to Chaplin over breakfast one morning this week, I remembered my own experiences with animals on stage. They had begun with a Golden Retriever that belonged to the stage manager which I had to lead on stage where it sat beside me for the rest of the act. That was the theory. Rehearsals went well, but on opening night with a live audience, the dog turned into the most appalling diva. I had led him on and he sat for a moment beside me. Then he immediately got up, walked to centre stage and stared out at the audience, tail wagging at the chuckles and applause he was receiving. There he sat and refused to budge, ignoring my whispered calls. Every time an actor entered or left the stage he would perform his party trick, begging on his hind legs, eliciting more applause. He was sacked that night and replaced with a stuffed version. Then there was the Shetland pony, who again was fine during rehearsals, but on the opening night was led on from stage right, took one look at the lights and serried ranks of a large audience and promptly collapsed with a massive heart attack. Some years later this was followed by a macaw in a cage, which the owner, a publican, had assured us all, had never spoken a word since he had owned him and had spent his life on the bar of his pub. Throughout rehearsals the bird remained mute. Then on the opening night of this period piece, an actress, as she had a dozen times before, laid a gloved hand on the cage and said her line. ‘How are you tonight my darling?’ With a clarity, skill and projection that would have done credit to a National Theatre player, the bird replied with a stream of invective, profanity, abuse and cursing that it must have saved up for years. It would not stop and we had to bring the curtain down on an audience howling with laughter. Again a stuffed replacement was brought in the following evening. I related all this to Chaplin, who I don’t think is ready for a theatrical career. Far too lazy and idle. But then again so am I and I celebrate sixty nine years as a professional actor this year. Wherever your journeys take you or this beautiful weather leads you, go safely and enjoy your week.