CAN ANYONE lend me a giant paintbrush please? And a pot of white paint? So I can, in the dead of night, go and paint some large arrows on the roads leading up to the Kings Drive roundabout because somebody at the highways department obviously forgot to paint them on in the first place.
You know where I mean. You’ve just driven past the hospital on your left on your way into Eastbourne and then at the garage, motorists tend to divide themselves into two lanes.
The lane on the left obviously goes down to the hospital or over to Cross Levels Way. You would stay in the right hand lane if you were going round the roundabout to go up the Rodmill. But which lane should you sit in if you’re going across to carry on your merry way along Kings Drive?
Rightly or wrongly - and because there are no arrows - I go into the right hand lane and then take my life and my little treasures’ lives in my hands to drive across to Kings Drive.
I know there have been accidents before and it’s a miracle nobody has been seriously hurt.
It’s a dangerous game of cat and mouse which normally ends with lots of fist waving and head-shaking because we both think we’re in the right.
IT COULD only happen to me really. There I was sitting in the hairdressers halfway through getting my grey bits covered up with blonde highlights when the stylist came to an abrupt halt and said she couldn’t carry on highlighting my hair.
“Why not?” said I, thinking she might be unwell or the burst water main outside in the road meant they would have to close the salon.
“Er, the problem’s with your hair,” she said, “or rather the visitors in your hair.” Aggggh. I nearly passed away. Only two weeks ago I was writing about the critters that my children had brought home, and now there I was filled with shame as the lovely stylist explained that because of health and safety, they could only rinse my colour off and send me on my way.
Needless to say, I was mortified. Regular readers will know I have already doused my children in every lotion known to man - and lice - tried herbal remedies and the only option left now, aside from shaving our heads, is the one suggested by a number of kind readers - vodka.
Apparently critters don’t like the Russian spirit and it kills them and their eggs stone dead.
Terrible waste of vodka if you ask me, but who am I to nit pick?!
TALKING of drink, and having enjoyed some friendly revelry, courtesy of Dan and Scott down at the Harbour Bar, I arrived at the start of the recent Midnight Walk, in aid of the Chestnut Tree Children’s Hospice, to take photographs of the 600 plus ladies taking part and felt really rather humbled that while I was spending the night in the pub, they were pounding the streets to raise an impressive £57,000. Amazing.