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Charity helps ease the pain of losing a child
A SPECIAL children's remembrance service is being held in Seaford this month for bereaved parents and those affected by the death of a child. Joanne Smith spoke to Seaford resident Chris Stanley who lost her son 24 years ago and has helped to organise the service through St Andrew's Church in Bishopstone and the charity The Compassionate Friends – TCF.
AFTER the death of her 20-year-old son Manuel in 1985 Chris turned to TCF and began receiving the magazine it published which includes poems and stories from other bereaved parents.
She said she found the magazine a great help and went on to be a local telephone contact for the charity to provide a listening ear to others who had gone through similar heartache.
She said, "When you lose a child you think it only happens to you and it's a terribly personal experience and you never expect a child to pre-decease you."
The Bishops Close resident took a three-year counselling course and a specialised bereavement course but she stresses this is not essential to becoming a telephone contact and what she provides is not counselling but the opportunity for callers to talk to someone who understands their situation.
Sometimes she may only hear from people once and other times people might call on a more regular basis.
She adds that everyone is different and some support that may work for one family may not be the right option for another.
The charity offers various forms of support as well as telephone contacts including one-to-one visiting, group meetings, a range of publications and an annual weekend gathering.
Chris's son died as a result of a car crash in Nutley but the organisation also caters for parents who have lost their children through suicide or murder.
The mother-of-four said the aim of the charity is not to intrude but to be there for people if they want to contact them.
As well as finding strength from TCF Chris says her best friend lost her daughter to leukaemia and the pair were able to be there for each other.
Chris started Seaford Youth Drama Group in 1984 and also said working with young people has helped her through some of the dark days and says, "You can't be miserable around young people for long."
She added, "I'm a survivor, a lot of parents feel they can't go on, they feel don't want to go on and think what is there to live for?
"The fact that they know 20 odd years on I'm on a road of recovery hopefully shows they can survive as well."
Chris, who is considering setting up regular meetings for bereaved parents if there is enough interest, added, "I think it's a hugely worthwhile charity – it's there for anyone – you don't have to belong to any religion.
"I think the word compassion speaks volumes."
The forthcoming remembrance service will take place at St Andrew's Church in Bishopstone on November 15 at 3pm. It is a local invitation to all parents, relatives and friends and anyone affected by the death of a child.
There will be suitable songs and readings and there will be the chance, if people wish to do so, to light a candle in memory of their child and to chat with other bereaved parents afterwards during a simple tea.
For more information about the service or The Compassionate Friends please call Chris on 892023. For the TCF main Bristol helpline call 0117 953 9639.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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